1500 words on talking about politics with your family.
How to talk about politics with your family...in one word-
Don’t.
It’s really that simple. This isn’t some antiquated rule about not discussing sex, religion, or politics. If you know me, you know my family mainly talks about sex and religion. And we used to talk about politics, but with the current administration, it’s practically impossible. ‘Politics is personal’ couldn’t be more applicable today as we sit across from people that justify such horrible human rights atrocities. Trust me, I’m not being polite, this is self-preservation. Do I really wanna debate with the person who believes freedom of speech should only be extended to a real estate blowhard and not to the black athlete showing respect to by kneeling? What’s to debate? You’re so far from human decency, I have no shot of having a conversation. I talk to so many people who feel this way about their parents and families. There’s an entire generation of kids who look at their parents undying love for Trump the way they used to view God. ‘Just have faith’ is a common phrase that comes to mind. The truth doesn’t matter anymore and the rejection of fact is insidious. Fox News is the gospel and Trump is their flawed messenger saving babies from abortion yet locking children in cages.
I so often hear people say we are divided but when the rhetoric is divisive, how can you not be divided?
See, I grew up in a generation where we were told how terrible Bill Clinton was for having an affair. There was once a moral superiority to our parents and the Republican Party. They were the party of family values. To be clear they were straight, white family values. Being a republican used to mean small government, lower taxes, pro-legal immigration and less government involvement in our lives. Now they’re giving the richest people a tax break, rejecting refugees, endorsing sex offenders and domestic violence abusers and adulterers and liars. I’m not offended this President had an affair with a porn star, but 4 years ago Republicans would have lost their mind. Literally. If Obama did anything close to what this president does they would keel over and die. We didn’t deserve him. (*sigh*). The hypocrisy is ASTOUNDING. Shit, they’re still out there telling gay people that they deserve the death penalty, all while endorsing the guy who said you can ‘grab her by the pussy and they’ll let you, because you’re a star.” Talk about family values.
My older brother, with his energetic optimism, somehow believes that talking about something and shining a light on it will help people be more informed. The more information they have, the more they will see the truth and the truth is not what they’re being sold on Fox News. They’re sold justified shootings of black teenagers, criticizing gold star families and Mitch McConnell wondering why Jon Stewart is so bent out of shape for 9/11 first responders. My brother has since stopped. The optimism has ended and the reality is there’s no point. The conservative movement is no longer conservative as they have attached their wagon to a man so inept at telling the truth it’s terrifying. I’m not scared of Trump, I’m scared of an entire group of people who’ve bought in to his multitude of lies. Do they really believe it or are they incapable of admitting they made a mistake? Either way, so many of us are done discussing with them how wrong and evil things are right now. As we are apparently about to embark on another fictitious war, it’s scary how much false information is leading us down a very dangerous path. The correct information is out there people!! You can google facts and watch videos. You don’t get to decide for yourself what’s true because the truth is right in front of your fucking face.
With the advent of Facebook and Instagram you get to see what you’re grandparents and cousins like and share. Boy oh boy, has that been enlightening. I had a friend who’s father shared the ‘child sex ring pizza parlor’ story as if it was factual. It wasn’t, by the way, but one man thought it was and fired an assault rifle in the restaurant. Facebook, I believe has been the most enlightening avenue for transparency. We get to see what people think without even asking. Unfortunately, what we see is disheartening. I started to wonder if these people were always racist and prejudice or is it something new? Certainly Trump didn’t make them racist but did he stir up some long held anger towards reparations and affirmative action. This week Trump refused to apologize to the Central Park Five after they’ve were found not guilty years ago. They even received $41 million dollars because of their unlawful incarceration. If you don’t know what I’m taking about watch Netflix’s ‘When They See Us’ or, again, just google it. DNA evidence found that they were innocent. A man admitted to the crime. Yet Trump refused to apologize for his part in heating up the public opinion of these young men. He spoke of ‘both sides’- the same tactic he used to deflect blame in the Charlottesville riots. It’s galling to hear. You may not think he’s racist but, he certainly doesn’t want to lose a racists vote. When you align yourself with the person who endorses that behavior by omission, you’re saying racism is acceptable. I believe a true, Christ-believing Trump-voting Christian would stand up and say, I still believe in his policies but, that is racist. But they won’t. Which, again, makes us all wonder, do they believe the racist rhetoric he espouses? I’m starting to believe they do. As I said to someone recently, racism isn’t just saying the N-word. It’s much deeper than that. It’s reticulate and insidious. Accepting that means you have to change your behavior and your language.
I am gonna give you an exception to the rule because life is all about exceptions to the rule. If you hear something that is racist, homophobic or sexist, speak up. It is your right, your privilege and your goddamn duty to use your voice for good. Policies positions change so often and there is no integrity to their beliefs but the three aforementioned issues are so important. If you’re a straight white man, it’s even more important because people will listen to you. I’m two of those things and I can tell you, people listen to me. When you hear a family member say ‘they need to pick themselves up by the bootstraps’ remind them some people don’t have boots. Acknowledging the inequality doesn’t negate your struggles. When you hear someone say ‘why don’t women report rapes to the police when it happens’, remind them 1 out of 1,000 reported rapes result in a conviction. Believe women. Just because people say ‘Black Lives Matter’, doesn’t mean white lives don’t matter but you don’t run into a Breast cancer benefit and say ‘all cancers matter’. Just listen. Try to understand where people are coming from. I believe you have to stand on the side of human dignity and compassion. I have always thought this and will continue, even if it means changing my vocabulary and listening more.
And hey this isn’t just a problem for the straight community, gay people have to acknowledge other minorities as well. We had a healthy debate a few months ago over the word ‘tranny’. There are some in the gay community who feel they own that word. They’ve used it for decades and may not mean it in a bad way. I know some drag queens and trans people who still use the word but many young (and old) trans people do not like it. They find it a pejorative, so shift your language. If you can’t take 30 minutes out of your day to find a new word, then that’s on you. Even if your friend, who is trans, says tranny that doesn’t mean every trans person is ok with it. Treat people how they want to be treated. Treat people with respect.
In conclusion, just let sleeping dogs lie. When the dust settles and we’re at the end of this presidency, maybe they’ll understand the damage they’ve done. I doubt it, but you screaming at them over turkey and stuffing won’t change their mind on Trump. It’ll just frustrate you and will give them the opportunity to say another thing that doesn’t make any damn sense. Why debate policy with people whose policy views change based on the fair-weather tweets of this president? You will have wasted your time and you will have ruined my dinner. And I like dinner.
Don’t.
It’s really that simple. This isn’t some antiquated rule about not discussing sex, religion, or politics. If you know me, you know my family mainly talks about sex and religion. And we used to talk about politics, but with the current administration, it’s practically impossible. ‘Politics is personal’ couldn’t be more applicable today as we sit across from people that justify such horrible human rights atrocities. Trust me, I’m not being polite, this is self-preservation. Do I really wanna debate with the person who believes freedom of speech should only be extended to a real estate blowhard and not to the black athlete showing respect to by kneeling? What’s to debate? You’re so far from human decency, I have no shot of having a conversation. I talk to so many people who feel this way about their parents and families. There’s an entire generation of kids who look at their parents undying love for Trump the way they used to view God. ‘Just have faith’ is a common phrase that comes to mind. The truth doesn’t matter anymore and the rejection of fact is insidious. Fox News is the gospel and Trump is their flawed messenger saving babies from abortion yet locking children in cages.
I so often hear people say we are divided but when the rhetoric is divisive, how can you not be divided?
See, I grew up in a generation where we were told how terrible Bill Clinton was for having an affair. There was once a moral superiority to our parents and the Republican Party. They were the party of family values. To be clear they were straight, white family values. Being a republican used to mean small government, lower taxes, pro-legal immigration and less government involvement in our lives. Now they’re giving the richest people a tax break, rejecting refugees, endorsing sex offenders and domestic violence abusers and adulterers and liars. I’m not offended this President had an affair with a porn star, but 4 years ago Republicans would have lost their mind. Literally. If Obama did anything close to what this president does they would keel over and die. We didn’t deserve him. (*sigh*). The hypocrisy is ASTOUNDING. Shit, they’re still out there telling gay people that they deserve the death penalty, all while endorsing the guy who said you can ‘grab her by the pussy and they’ll let you, because you’re a star.” Talk about family values.
My older brother, with his energetic optimism, somehow believes that talking about something and shining a light on it will help people be more informed. The more information they have, the more they will see the truth and the truth is not what they’re being sold on Fox News. They’re sold justified shootings of black teenagers, criticizing gold star families and Mitch McConnell wondering why Jon Stewart is so bent out of shape for 9/11 first responders. My brother has since stopped. The optimism has ended and the reality is there’s no point. The conservative movement is no longer conservative as they have attached their wagon to a man so inept at telling the truth it’s terrifying. I’m not scared of Trump, I’m scared of an entire group of people who’ve bought in to his multitude of lies. Do they really believe it or are they incapable of admitting they made a mistake? Either way, so many of us are done discussing with them how wrong and evil things are right now. As we are apparently about to embark on another fictitious war, it’s scary how much false information is leading us down a very dangerous path. The correct information is out there people!! You can google facts and watch videos. You don’t get to decide for yourself what’s true because the truth is right in front of your fucking face.
With the advent of Facebook and Instagram you get to see what you’re grandparents and cousins like and share. Boy oh boy, has that been enlightening. I had a friend who’s father shared the ‘child sex ring pizza parlor’ story as if it was factual. It wasn’t, by the way, but one man thought it was and fired an assault rifle in the restaurant. Facebook, I believe has been the most enlightening avenue for transparency. We get to see what people think without even asking. Unfortunately, what we see is disheartening. I started to wonder if these people were always racist and prejudice or is it something new? Certainly Trump didn’t make them racist but did he stir up some long held anger towards reparations and affirmative action. This week Trump refused to apologize to the Central Park Five after they’ve were found not guilty years ago. They even received $41 million dollars because of their unlawful incarceration. If you don’t know what I’m taking about watch Netflix’s ‘When They See Us’ or, again, just google it. DNA evidence found that they were innocent. A man admitted to the crime. Yet Trump refused to apologize for his part in heating up the public opinion of these young men. He spoke of ‘both sides’- the same tactic he used to deflect blame in the Charlottesville riots. It’s galling to hear. You may not think he’s racist but, he certainly doesn’t want to lose a racists vote. When you align yourself with the person who endorses that behavior by omission, you’re saying racism is acceptable. I believe a true, Christ-believing Trump-voting Christian would stand up and say, I still believe in his policies but, that is racist. But they won’t. Which, again, makes us all wonder, do they believe the racist rhetoric he espouses? I’m starting to believe they do. As I said to someone recently, racism isn’t just saying the N-word. It’s much deeper than that. It’s reticulate and insidious. Accepting that means you have to change your behavior and your language.
I am gonna give you an exception to the rule because life is all about exceptions to the rule. If you hear something that is racist, homophobic or sexist, speak up. It is your right, your privilege and your goddamn duty to use your voice for good. Policies positions change so often and there is no integrity to their beliefs but the three aforementioned issues are so important. If you’re a straight white man, it’s even more important because people will listen to you. I’m two of those things and I can tell you, people listen to me. When you hear a family member say ‘they need to pick themselves up by the bootstraps’ remind them some people don’t have boots. Acknowledging the inequality doesn’t negate your struggles. When you hear someone say ‘why don’t women report rapes to the police when it happens’, remind them 1 out of 1,000 reported rapes result in a conviction. Believe women. Just because people say ‘Black Lives Matter’, doesn’t mean white lives don’t matter but you don’t run into a Breast cancer benefit and say ‘all cancers matter’. Just listen. Try to understand where people are coming from. I believe you have to stand on the side of human dignity and compassion. I have always thought this and will continue, even if it means changing my vocabulary and listening more.
And hey this isn’t just a problem for the straight community, gay people have to acknowledge other minorities as well. We had a healthy debate a few months ago over the word ‘tranny’. There are some in the gay community who feel they own that word. They’ve used it for decades and may not mean it in a bad way. I know some drag queens and trans people who still use the word but many young (and old) trans people do not like it. They find it a pejorative, so shift your language. If you can’t take 30 minutes out of your day to find a new word, then that’s on you. Even if your friend, who is trans, says tranny that doesn’t mean every trans person is ok with it. Treat people how they want to be treated. Treat people with respect.
In conclusion, just let sleeping dogs lie. When the dust settles and we’re at the end of this presidency, maybe they’ll understand the damage they’ve done. I doubt it, but you screaming at them over turkey and stuffing won’t change their mind on Trump. It’ll just frustrate you and will give them the opportunity to say another thing that doesn’t make any damn sense. Why debate policy with people whose policy views change based on the fair-weather tweets of this president? You will have wasted your time and you will have ruined my dinner. And I like dinner.
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